I'm sure that most of you reading this have gone through the agony of writing and presenting a speech, and most of you know that they SUCK. Thus, I'm writting an editorial on exactly how much they SUCK, how much you ask? They SUCK, A LOT. That's how much they SUCK. I have a brother in grade 6, and he's doing speeches, poor him, I only did a speech in grade 7, that's it! I'm in grade 9 now, and they've come back to haunt me. Doing speeches from grade 6 does have it's advantages, but it has far more disadvantages. One pro is that you get practice from them, thus getting used to the hell of presenting them. A con is that you have to do it like, 5 times, every consecutive year! OUCH! That's gotta SUCK! I'm lucky to have only did one in grade 7. Well, it's a pro if you actually like speeches, in which case, you don't emotions at all. Well, maybe you're a normal person who like them, then you're just rare, cuz I know a lot of people like me, who hate speeches with a passion, and who'd rather NOT do it at all, and lose some 100 marks. I'd probably might do that, but I can't afford that many marks, this speech counts for like, half of the total English mark for this term. So if you took a 0 for the speech, you're basically screwed. I envy those who can make an @$$ of themself in public, and not be embarrased, not that I would like to make an @$$ of myself, but not getting embarrased. As soon as I heard about speeches, I nearly had a heart attack, and so did most of the class. I had NO idea of a topic, except, "The mating rituals of a chimpanzee" or something, all of my ideas were crappy and stupid. My teacher had posted a "subject signup list" so no 2 topics were alike. I thought, "Aww crap!" I knew that I had to think of a freaking topic, and fast! As soon as the teacher sat down, some 10 people signed up, and that's NOT a good thing.I had to think of something that wasn't to boring or gay. I sat there for a good 20 minutes, trying to think of a good topic, but everyone was talking about their ideas, totally screwing up my train of thought. I thought of lots of things, like magic, or Extra Sensory Perception (ESP)...until, my teacher said that everyone had to be signed up by the end of class. Oh great, now I have a whole 5 minutes to think of a topic. I spent the time half thinking about my topic, and the time left. However, I put down ESP, because she said that we could chane the topic later. I haven't even got to why speeches suck yet, I  think that this is still the intro...^_^ . Carrying on, The next day, in English class, we spent the time answearing questions, and stuff like that. I learned that it had to be 5-6 minutes long. (!!!) WHOA, that really SUCKS. In grade 7, they had to be 3-4 minutes, which makes this time's speeches suck even more. I wonder how much written material 5-6 minutes is? Probably like 10 pages of looseleaf or something crappy like that. We were supposed to go to the school's library, but no, it was closed for some 2 days! Jeez, that just adds to the crappyness of this whole thing! Now I have to go somewhere else for material on ESP. With my luck, I won't find any friggen material, now that would SUCK. The teacher also set some due dates, and they SUCK. Our outlines have to be handed in Friday the 12, that's about 2 days from when we first heard about speeches.The rought copy has to be in Monday, the 15! whoa, I don't have info yet, jeez, that SUCKS too. The good copies have to be Monnday, the 22, a mere week from when the rough copies are due. Then we present them, yup, you guessed it, that SUCKS! There are a bunch of rules set for the speech too, like you can't hardly move or anything, that also SUCKS. Writting the speech really sucks too, well, it has to be 5-6 minutes long for one thing. It's gotta be hard to find that much info on a topic like ESP. Another thing, you have to pretty much memorize the whole freaking thing! Oh yeah, you can have one recipie card. Big whoop! That's like putting the Lord of The Rings onto a dinner napkin. I can't imagine how hard it is to memorize 5-6 minutes worth of speech, let alone reciting it in front of 30 people that are staring at you. Oh yeah, you have to make eye contact with people, and if you're in a class like mine, then that's pretty darn difficult, if you look at some people, you burst out laughing, if you look at other people, you throw up, there's no way around it. That's pretty much it for the writting of the speech, now lets move on to the presentation. Like I said, eye contact is a danger zone, and that SUCKS, the only thing eye contact gives you is a chance to really screw up. Keep your concentration, that's the key. When I step up to that podium, I get really nervous and really petrified, that SUCKS too, cuz you forget lines, skip lines, mumble, stutter, and all sorts of SUCKY crap like that. Here's a tip, wear lots of deodorant, believe me, you'll be glad you did. When you stand up there, you pretty much forget your entire speech, which isn't good. The trick is to basically think that your looking forward to presenting, then you'll feel somewhat better about doing it. Me, being a shy person, makes it that much more SUCKY. Just think of all of the regular nervous side-effects, double it by 2 or 3, then you have the crap I have to go through when I have to do ANY public speaking, basically turn red, and forget everything. If that happens, then you're better off not doing it in the first place, which SUCKS, but it's not as SUCKY as getting the same mark, plus making a complete @$$ of yourself. Nervous side-effects that I have also include talking fast, and then really screwing up your entire speech, I also tend to play with the podium ( which is a cheap music stand ) .That, well, SUCKS. Other people do their speech perfect, and I hate them. In fact, they SUCK. I want to be one of the last people to present, but with my crappy luck, I'll get picked second or something like that. Just when I least expect it, SMACK, I get hit in the stomach when I hear my name. Just don't cuss when you get picked, that's NOT a good thing. Allthough it's good to get it over with, it still SUCKS to get picked early.At home, it's easy to say you'll volenteer early and get it over with, but not when it comes time to present, then you freeze up and sort of slouch in your seat, mainly to chop the cances of getting picked in half. Well, it depends on the teacher's picking system, you can get screwed a few ways in this case. If the teacher put's a presentation sign up list, that SUCKS, because there's always a stampede of slack offs racing to sign up as late as possible.Another way to get screwed is if your teacher closes their eyes and stabbs their pen on the class list, then you have a 1 in 30 chance of getting picked, which is, like, 3.5 percent, but with my luck, it turns out to be 96.5 percent, which SUCKS even more than the sign up list. Another way to get screwed is if your are over confident with yourself, if you volunteer like, first, then you'll forget that speeches SUCK and you'll totally be screwed when the nervousness kicks in. WOW, I've talked a lot about this thing, maybe my speech should be on how speeches suck. I love writing these type of editorials, when another topic comes up, I'll probably write about it, if your have an idea of what I can write about, then contact me and I'll write about something else. Maybe how Macs SUCK, or how Middle school SUCKS, or how new computers KICK @$$. Or anything, maybe my opinion about paradoxes, I don't know. Well, this has been fun, and the moral of the story is : SPEECHES SUCK!!  C-ya!